


On The Inside

by ReluctantRedhead (BoopitybopCoodilybap)



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Grieving, I Wouldn't Exactly Call That Grieving, M/M, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-17 05:54:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1376332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoopitybopCoodilybap/pseuds/ReluctantRedhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But, thank God, Rin wasn't dead just yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. During

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tsariina (liiberte)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tsariina+%28liiberte%29).



> RinHaru cancer AU for senpai :)  
> Enjoy!

Haru groaned. He had been sitting in the incredibly uncomfortable plastic chair for... how long had it been? How many hours? Days?

He had drifted off to sleep waiting for Rin, despite his promise to himself that he wouldn't. Because he knew that any second could be Rin's last. And it would kill him to know that he had slept through his boyfriend's last moments of life. Could he even call Rin his boyfriend? They'd been through so much together, they seemed to be more than that.

But, thank God, Rin wasn't dead just yet.

A light rapping on the door of the hospital room had woken them both. Haruka looked over at Rin, with his eyes still partly clouded over, then at their hands, fingers interlaced and numb from being in one position too long. Rin squeezed Haru's hand and nodded.

"Come in," Haru croaked.

The door creaked ajar ever so slightly, and a familiar face poked its way through the crack. "Rin-chan! Haru-chan!" Nagisa chirped, cheery as ever. He ran over to Rin's bedside and gave him a hug, visibly having to restrain himself from being too aggressive, so as not to hurt the other boy.

Nagisa's entrance was followed a few seconds later by another.

"Nagisa," Rei fumed. "You can't just go running ahead like that! You almost knocked that poor man in the hallway out of his wheelchair!"

"Sorry, Rei-chan," the shorter boy pouted. He immediately, however, regained his sunny disposition. "How are things going, Rin-chan? Will you be able to come home soon?"

Rin's forehead creased, and he looked like he was struggling for an answer when somebody else interrupted.

"I don't think you should be asking those kinds of questions, Nagisa." Makoto said as he walked in the room, though he still had on his usual quiet smile.

"It's fine." Rin said curtly. "I'm fighting it."

So from there on in, they didn't talk about it. Instead, they all sat around Rin's bed and chatted awkwardly about anything but his current condition. The air felt stiff. More stiff than it normally was in the stuffy hospital room.

Haru noticed Makoto glancing at his and Rin's interlaced fingers, then darting his eyes away too quickly. Rin must have noticed too, because he pulled his hand out of Haru's after that.

But Nagisa had made a card for Rin, Rei had bought flowers to brighten up the room, and Makoto brought along a plastic container of home-cooked mackerel to force Haru to eat. He noticed it was slightly burnt, though that wasn't the reason he refused to eat it. He just couldn't feel hungry when he saw Rin like that.

After a bit, their three friends said goodbye and left the other boys alone in the hospital again.

"Rin," Haru began.

"Haru." Rin cut him off. "I know what you're going to say, and I'm not. I'm not going to die. Like I said, I'm fighting it." He moved his hand to push his fingers through his red hair. He had a lot less of it now. "I'm going to get out of here, and I'm going to swim again, do you understand? I'm going to swim with you again, Haruka."

Haru nodded, knowing all too well that that would never happen again. Still, he tried his hardest not to let the tears show.


	2. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to popular demand, I give you: chapter 2!

The scream was what woke Haru that time.

He opened his eyes to the sight of a figure, standing, blurry, with its hands over its mouth. It had red hair.

His first though was that it was Rin. But Rin wouldn’t be standing. Hadn’t stood for a long time. 

He turned his attention to where Gou was looking, and realized what it was.

“No-” he breathed.

And then all there was was black.

• • • •

“H-haru-chan?”

Haruka didn’t say anything. Didn’t look up. Didn’t hear his friend say his name. He just stared at his own feet, not seeing them.

• • • •

The late afternoon sun glistened off the white acrylic.

It used to shine more. It used to be wet most often.

Haru sighed inaudibly and walked out of the bathroom, running a hand through his greasy, matted hair.

Not yet.

• • • •

He turned over on the lumpy couch, facing the back of it. He pulled his grandmother’s old quilt up around him, not for warmth, just to do something to distract him for a fraction of a second.

He knew he wasn’t going to sleep, but the bed had reminded Haru too much of him.

• • • •

“You’re going to have to get back on your feet sometime, Haru.”

“I can’t.” His voice crackled from disuse.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done.”

“I fell asleep…”

• • • •

The dirt was damp. Haruka knew it was supposed to smell, but he couldn’t catch the scent of it through his shallow breaths, inhaling the stench of his own unwashed self.

He hadn’t bathed since. Hadn’t washed his hands. He rarely ate or drank anything, so when he had to drink it would be juice or milk, or whatever Makoto coaxed him to consume.

He hadn’t cried either. Tears were water, too.

He hadn’t brought flowers. Rin would have hated that, snapping out an insult about how they were too girly or cliché.

He had given up swimming for Rin before. This time wasn’t different.

Except it was. Because, as he stood at the foot of that grave, he knew that, this time, no matter what, Rin wasn’t coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys :)  
> This is my most well-responded to fic, and I just really wanted to thank you all for reading, feedback, and just being over-all awesome people!
> 
> Remember that kudos and comments are always welcomed.  
> Stay frosty, readers!
> 
> ~ B-Coop


End file.
